then i noticed one lone, solitary wrinkle.
where oh where has time gone? i swear i am still sixteen.
the older i get the more i realize i need to stop trying to be someone else.
and by agreeing to not be someone else, i agree to fully be me.
and by being me, i now know that i need to spend time each day alone, using creativity and art to express what is going on in my soul. to express what i cannot in words.
looking back, i'm realizing i knew this as a child, if only internally. i was constantly rearranging my room. then i moved on to wearing weird clothes. then i experimented with hair. then i got piercings and the tattoo. then i moved to the west coast. then i joined a rock band. then i became a photographer. then i became a dental hygienist.
wait, what? where the heck is the creativity in cleaning filth from people's teeth?
pause and think.
i'm still trying to find THAT answer.
so when .a. and i moved down the street from snooki two years ago, i felt stuck. bored. confined. like i couldn't express myself.
i was working hygiene and living in a second story apartment whose glory days were once upon a time in a land far, far away. i decided to spend my creative energies on making our dull, eggshell white, 1950s apartment feel like home. that didn't take as long as i hoped. so then i did it once more.
but i became stuck. a g a i n....................
go to work. clean teeth. come home. eat. watch the office. go to bed. rinse. lather. repeat.
who was i?
i didn't feel like me.
i didn't feel like anyone.
it all started when one of my besties, abby, asked me to take an acrylic painting class with her. who cares if we were the youngest people there and the hottest guys were named bill and bob and were too old to even see what they were painting. hey, they painted some interesting stuff. who's to judge? here's some of my work...
the next class we decided to take was a glass-blowing class. how fun, right? sad to say, working with a blow torch and trying not to blow up the glass was an adrenaline rush (and don't worry, twi-hards, being an adrenaline junkie like bella is NOT the extreme kind of adrenaline rush that i mean). don't make fun. well, you can. but only if you've tried glass-blowing before and know what i'm talking about. abby and i have high hopes for more creative classes in this final year that we remain in 'joiysee'.
do me a favor, and PUT. A. BIRD. ON. IT. (must see).
so in this, my twenty-sixth year of breathing, i'd like to quote michael scott by saying that i've had "an epiphery."
i, melissa/tatt-girl/li'l sis/messy missy/the-chick-in-the-band/aunt memissa, must utilize my unique, GOD-given creativity in order to live a full, worshipful life in which i can care for others, love my creator, and simply breath.
i must do this for me.
i must do this in order to love those around me.
so my goals for the future?? go to cosmotology school. take graphic design classes. take fashion design classes. take interior design classes. and live in forks, washington [wink].
this is not for you. this is not for everyone. this is for me.
because i now dye my gray hairs and buy anti-aging foundation. and i want to be me.
because the most significant way i know to worship my creator is to fully live the created.
because life is SHORT.
because when i know who i am, i can allow those around me to realize who they are.
because then i can love. then i can serve. then i can worship HIM.
because then i can strop trying to be someone else.
because then i can truly be who HE has created me to be.
because then i can truly BE.
. . .